H A P P Y

Oh man...my bad on not posting all week...must have totally got caught up in my busy life in the hotel in TN...bhahahahahah totally kidding:)

So todays title in Happy. Doesn't it feel so wonderful to genuniely be happy. That is how i have felt the last 3 days. Just happy and not really for any particular reason at all.

I have been talking with a few of my close girlfriends about diets, weight, being happy and one told me to ask God for help. Ask that He would give you strength. She told me He cares about what we care about. I knew that in my head but it totally registered in my heart finally.

Another girlfriend of mine said it doesn't matter what size you are. As long as your healthy and happy.

Well HELLO. I am happy. I am so much to be thankful for. I just get destracted sometimes of what is really important.

I'm Thankful for:

my best friend and my husband Joshua Marlin that has opened my eyes to another world


My Lord and Savior
My family and friends
humor and laughing
kissing and intimate time with my husband
sunshine
uniqueness
my jewelry
Kolie Reba

My unborn child that God has for us in His timing:)


Thinking back to Saturday night at my mom's party and re-playing that crap the man said about me. I feel bad for him. I feel bad for people that have to say negative things about people to make themselves feel better. I AM the first one to say I'VE DONE IT and IT'S NOT RIGHT. My wonderful husband has taught me that. He said why do you and your family do that all the time? IT's hurtful and there is no place for it. People are who the are. PERIOD and our opinion should not matter.

Back to my weight/diet plan....Althought I am happy I am not "healthy" and I do need to exercise sooooooooo We ordered my p90x workout plan! HOLA! I am so excited to get it. It is a 90 day intense workout program that burns 1000 calories in an hour. LOVES IT! And as far as food goes. I love it...all of it. I deprived myself for so many years growing up I think that may be my downfall now a days. I'll keep ya posted!

Also, I am going to be BRAVE and post my befor pictures of starting p90x on Tuesday night sooo stay tuned:)

Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind

Balance

Everything is a balance...that is what my sister and I came up with as we were "venting" to eachother about things going on in our own lives.
How true is it though. Everything in life has to be a balance or its "off".

Relationships,work,time,diet...all NEED BALANCE.

This weekend was my mothers 50th birthday party and we did a mock funeral! I will post pictures on here so you can see them. Nehow...I was all excited about my outfit I had bought special for the event. Put it on and felt pretty. Felt like...man I look good;) THEN...as I was greeting guests and getting myself a glass of wine I overheard a man say..."all the girls look alike but Kim is the B I G one!"

Honestly, I was totally shocked to hear a man that I do not know from "bob" on the street say something so hurtful. I knew the tears were about to come pouring out so I quickly grabbed my husband to go to the bathroom with me to talk it out. In that moment, I was totally overwhelmed and absolutely broken. Trying to figure out what does it matter to that guy? Does he know what is going on in my life? Who the hell does he think he is? As I cried and Josh comforted me, he said you are beautiful and don't listen to him. Do I want to believe what my husband says to me and whip my eyes dry...YES but I couldn't let it go. It was yet another "TAPE" in my head that I know will go over and over in my mind.

IT's all a Balance.

As the night went on my guard was up. Never went down. I sat the rest of the night talking with my sister and niece. I hate that. I hate that I let a man who I do not know control the rest of the evening.

You hear...Pictures don't lie. Well...they dont. really dont. I saw a picture of myself from the funeral/party and I about threw up in my mouth. It's sad to me to think you can have so much dislike for what God has made. It makes me wonder what is important to me. I am told you are so funny, you have a great heart, your wonderful..why isn't that enough for me? Why is it I am focused on my outward appearance when honestly it could all be taken away from me like THAT. My sister and I sat and talked this morning about the same thing. Why do we worry about things that ultimately DO NOT MATTER.

Balance...its all a balance.

So...this morning I was B R A V E. I stepped on the scale and I know the exact amount I weight and its horrifying to me. Am I going to share it with you...NO bc I dont want that number to matter. I want my heart to matter.

Driving back to TN with josh today we talked about my game plan on what I am going to do. I still am not sure what I am going to do. We talked about meal plans, not bringing in the 100 calorie packs, doing stuff to keep me busy, etc. Then the talk about us still trying to have a child came up. I am so sickened to say that I said I might want to stop trying to have a child until I get all this weight off. I hate that because the thing I want MOST in the world or so i thought was to bring a child into the world that josh and i have made out of love.

I honestly cannot keep my emotions in check. the tears are in my eyes as i write these words. questions are all over my mind as to how am i ever going to achieve this? What if i never get to my ideal weight?

BALANCE...its all a balance.

Dear Jesus,
Thank you for the joy of life. thank you for allowing me to live for 24 years...healthy. thank you for bringing Josh into my life and for his kind spirit that comforts me that perfect way. thank you for the future and for the ability to make changes.
I am hurting and I am lost. I am needing you guidance and love. I need to know it's all going to be okay. Jesus, I need your strength and energy to get my through today.

I am going to have to take all of this minute by minute and some days second by second but I have to do this.


Onto tomorrow's GAME plan:)
Going grocery shopping for Josh and I
Wii Fit TIME! Only options I have in the hotel!

Biggest key for my right now is keeping myself busy and eatting smaller portions 5 times a day. Not allowing myself to get to the "starving" point where I will overeat.

Until tomorrow, goodnight all!

It's the freakin weekend...better believe i'm gonna have F U N

Goodmorning all:)

Oh Jesus, You became what was my deepest shame
That at Your very name
My calloused heart would change
How could You, oh perfect One
Love me, when I have done nothing that's worthy of
My freedom You have won

Oh wonderful love, You died for me
The power of Your life is in me

Father, let Your light shine down on me
Father, let Your light shine down on me
No matter what the day or night may bring
Father, let Your light shine down on me


3 days since my last post and to be perfectly honestly...nothing good has happened with my weight loss. Lost motivation it seems like to me...or just not ready? Anyone ever felt that way? :)

I feel like I cannot wrap my mind around it yet for some reason. I know I want to lose weight but how badly is the question? Am I willing to count points the rest of my life? Probably not. I think more than anything I want to be healthy as can be for myself, my husband and the little one in our future.

When I think of being "skinny" again I think of being able to wear "fun" things for my husband in confidence. I think of not ever worrying about what I'm going to wear because I know ill look good. I think of being proud of myself for that accomplishment. I think of not being held back by anything.

But what is stopping me NOW from all of those things? Is it really my weight or just myself standing in the way?

I have learned over 24 years with myself... Im fickle. I don't keep with anything for long. The only thing in my life that I had been consistant with is my husband and even that it took me awhile while we were dating to get that down. So, it is no surprize to me that I'm already thinking of different ways to lose weight rather than weight watchers. I think i just get really bored quickly! Everything to me is either black or white. no inbetween. Im either gun-ho or none at all.

Sorry for the back and forth conversation on here but this is how it is in my mind all day long. As of today, Friday the 13th... (EWWWWWW) I am going to do a low-cal watch what I eat and work out with either the Insanity program of P90X! i am a huge fan of working out until i get bored...HAHAHA Whatever!

I am not saying anything I am doing is the best or the right way to do it. I am just being honest in this journey. What is it going to help if I'm not being totally open.

On a lighter note. One of my best friends, JENN (SHOUT OOUTTTTT) gave me a great idea about a "bucket list". I am going to add things to each post that I will accomplish in my life:)

1. Start our own business. It will be in the concrete business. I will be josh's "helper" hahahaha
2. Have our first child...we're working on it:)
3.Hot air balloon ride
4.go back to st. thomas to re-new our vowels
5.Boob job...ohh yaaaa! perk them up:):)
5.After weight is off, take glammer shot for Josh!
6.share my testimony at my church

That is all for now loves:) I will post again Monday!

What happened?

Well goodness, yesterday was NOT a good day for my attitude, eatting an all around stinky day! I don't know what in the world my problem was but TODAY is a NEW day and i'm much much better:) Thank goodness for my wonderful husband that understands my "moods". I know he doesn't like them but has learned how to deal with me!!!

Remember when I touched on the 100 calorie packs...THOSE WERE THE DEATH OF ME YESTERDAY! For some reason my stomach was an endless pit...so today I learned bad idea for Mrs. Kim:)

Also boredom can do some crazy things... feeling like you are hungry all the time. Being in TN is making me go stir crazy.

So my fellow friends, I need ideas to keep my busy!
Right now I have my Wii Fit i can use.
Getting out of the hotel and shopping
Reading my WW Magazine


Points for the day...my plan..if it changes I will re-post!

WW egg mcmuffin: 4 points and it was totally delish:)
WW chocolate cake: 1 point and so very good but S M A L L- so i probably wont get it again!...however they do have a lemon kind as well.

lunch: ww meal 5 points
100 cal pack: 2 points
water

Dinner: ww meal 4 points
100 cal pack 2 points

Snack: skinnycow icecream 2 points


Shopping for WW is actually VERY EASY! I found so many wonderful options and that was not expensive. I was actually below budget yesterday when I went to the grocery and I got every meal for a week for both my hubby and I:) I have also discovered Dont bring in junk and then you cannot eat it! My husband is learning to adjust and is doing great with it. When I pack his lunch for work it consists of 100 cal packs, healthy sandwich, water, diet coke and yogurt and VITAMIN! (I have heard while trying to concieve its a great idea for both the man and woman to take them!)

Here is a picture of me and my husband when I last did weight watchers...GREAT INSPIRIATION

Weekends can mess you up... but ONLY if you let it!!

Back in TN after a LONG-Drawn out weekend at home in Indy:)We loved being in our new house but it was totally bitter sweet knowing we would be leaving in a few short days! Kept extremely busy the whole weekend...walking around, doing projects so good part in this...MOVEMENT...means CALORIES LOST...which means FASTER to GOAL!
We also picked up the Wii resort this weekend which is a BLAST and also gets your heart pumping while having so much fun!

Friday I did very well with my weight weights. I ended up having a veggie delite with the center of the bread taken out and no cheese and that held me over until we got home around 7.

OH, we also stopped at starbucks and got a coffee. I got plain coffee with peppermint flavor and 2 splendas. I have to say, that will probably be my TREAT when we finally conceieve...one 8 oz drink:):):) POINT VALUE 2


My husband insisted on stopping at a fast food resturant and I told him he could but I will eat my meal...and to be totally honest I was OK with it:) He had Taco bell and I had weight watchers chinese food. and actually i felt a sense of accomplishment...who doesn't like that;)

When we were home my husband also picked me up a weight watcher magazine! I LOVE this idea but it is expensive. So i would suggest subscribe to it...GREAT CHRISTMAS IDEA! (You can get 2 years for only $22.95) I also brought back with me my point finder so if i'm at the store and cannot get online I have that with me as well!


OH, also have to tell you another achievement over the weekend! Saturday morning I needed to bake cupcakes for my husbands 11 year old sister. Anyone that knows me knows I EAT THAT BATTER! I LOVE IT...cannot resist it but LOAN BEHOLD I DID!!!! Right after I was finished I put water right inside the bowl so it would soak!
Here is a picture of the final products...I actually did end up getting some but used my FLEX POINTS!


This morning I started off with Quakers High Fiber cinnamon swirl oatmeal. It has 10 fibers in just one serving. So if you are on a PRE-natal vitamin like me IT WILL HELP THE MOVEMENT...hahahah!

Monday
Oatmeal 3
100 cal pack 2
water 0

I am just about ready to head out to the grocery and get food for the week! I will let you all know what great findings i come up with. Also if you do have a point slider...make sure to ALWAYS take it with you to the store!
Another side note: weight watcher magazine comes with coupons in EACH one... so that is another perk!

It's frosty OUT!

Gooodmorning:)

Woke up to a fire truck outside the hotel and FROST all over the cars...but so very thankful I don't have to be working! AND we are heading to INDY...HOME...in a short 6hrs..WOOHOO! BC I didn't plan well my breakfast was not what I would normally do for weight watchers but it does go to show weight watchers is VERY easy even if you havent got to the grocery store.

Sooooo to start off my morning I had Yoplait's LIGHT fat free key lime pie yogurt for 2POINTS.

To find the point value, all I did was go online and googled weight watcher points for blah blah blah and fill in the blanks. Easy, right:)

I will ALWAYS have my water with me. Great for you and for some glowing skin...SOMETHING WE ALL WANT!

And last but not least for breakfast I had 100 calorie pack CHIPS AHOY! for another 2points. A side note about the 100 calorie pack snacks...for some people they are great but if you are like me and like to eat they are more of a trigger... so you are really going to have play around with it and see what works for you. But for this morning as we did not go to the grocery this is fine.



So to recap: Yogurt (2)
100 calorie pack (2)
WATER (0)

I still have 16 points left for the rest of my day:)

To be smart, I do want to try and plan ahead since we will be on the road home for lunch and dinner today. I have found an amazing website for weight watchers called DWLZ.com She has the best ideas, recipes and ALL the resturants you would want and the weight watcher points values. I will let you all know which one's I chose from so that I can stay on my target points.

One of my friends just found another awesome website to calculate the ww POINTS! How even MORE convienent!!!! http://www.calculator.net/weight-watchers-points-calculator.html?calories=0&energyunit=1&fat=0&fatunit=1&fiber=0&fiberunit=1&x=76&y=11
Make that sucker a favorite and you are good to go:)

POINTS i get daily

Okay, I just calculated how many points I will get each day. I get 20 points a day plus 35 flex points to use how i would like to over the whole week.

Here is how to find out your daily points:
Weight watchers points calculation
Your sex:
If you are female- score 2 points
If you are male- score 8
If you are nursing- score 12

Your age:
17 to 26- score 4
27 to 37- score 3
38 to 47- score 2
48 to 58- score 1
Over 58- score 0

Your current weight:
Enter the first 2 digits of your weight in pounds. If you are 175 lbs for example, you would enter "17".

Your height:
under 5'1"- score 0
5'1" to 5'10"- score 1
Over 5'10"- score 2

Your activity level on most days of the week, how do you spend your day?:
sitting down- score 0
occassionally sitting, but mostly standing- score 2
walking most of the time- score 4
doing physically hard work most of the time- score 6

Add up all your scored points- that is your daily points target

So really what I think I will do is break it into 5 points each meal and then 5 for snacks through out the day. I will let you all know what I come up with for good snack ideas...BC Lord knows I'll be needing them:):)